I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
