It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
