So drunk its hurt
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
