tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
