even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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