Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
