new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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