The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
