I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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