He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
As shirtless as possible
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
