what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
