We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
