why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
