Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
