So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
