I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize