if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
