Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
