Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize