i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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