Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize