Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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