Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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