considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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