So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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