Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Vodka?
Forever.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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