I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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