I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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