Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The beer is more important than you right now.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
