Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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