There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
