he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
