You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
