capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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