Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
