I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
