Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
