We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
