We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
