i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
