And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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