and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
