a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's never too late to be topless.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
