2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
