I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
