Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
