I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
