Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
