She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
