wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
