So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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