Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
