So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize