Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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