Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
