Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
