You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
