Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize