And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize