haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
