It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
