I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
