I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
