I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
