They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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