Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My pussy is not your playground.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
