Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
