What a fucking waste of an outfit
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize