he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
