I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
