She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize