Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
