I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize