is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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