am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
vagina is talking i cant
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
