You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
