Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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