he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
