if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
