I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
