You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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