I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
