just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
