I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My dick has a subreddit
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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