My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
