New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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