She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
