dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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