Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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