Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
its not stalking. its research.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
