Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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