the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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