dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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