The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
