I met the friendliest cop last night
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
