where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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