i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
