i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
