and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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