He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
a search helicopter?!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
