Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
