My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize