Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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