Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
