Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
