We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
