it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
