my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
