You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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