I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she told me i tasted like america
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
