Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
