Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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