i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i wish my penis had a tongue
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
