I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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