fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
