I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize